Just waiting

I texted my ex, because we text but he doesn't seem to want to talk with me, which I get. I asked about the divorce papers and he said they are on the way. How do i feel about that? Its a combo of feelings, happy, sad, excited, and relieved. I don't feel guilt feeling happy, there are days when I look back and wonder if i screwed myself, If I'm going to be by myself forever. If I'm going to die alone,which is know is pure drama but at 40 the clock is ticking. I know what I want and what I need but how to get it is my problem. There are tons of good looking men out there but I find myself having allot of qualifying things I want, lets say need they are:

1) Don't ask tell: I want a man that instead of asking me what to do just does it. My opinion should be secondary to yours, if you have a plan enforce it. Nothing is sexier than a man that has a plan.
2) Be honest: If this needs an explanation then we are in some deep doo doo. if something is bothering you, say so, if you don't like something say so, going with the flow is going to get you going with the flow and not me.
3)Be willing to have fun:I want someone that wants to go out and have fun. fun fun. Be ready to do something, you don't have to spend billions of dollars. I like to talk and do things no matter what. A trip to the Laundromat can be fun, a date for Pink berry can be superfun.
4) Make me laugh: Another than needs little explanation. Funny is good, obnoxious and stuck up is not fun, pain in the ass is not funny, acting like a drunk uncle is not funny, acting like a fool is not funny. Making jokes is funny, and commenting on everyday events with a touch of sarcasm is funny, and makes my heart melt.
So that's just a few. Its not a inclusive list and having one thing on the list is not a deal breaker, but having no things on the list is. I really figured out what I want. I'm so happy for me. Yay!!

looks like I made it

lLast year July or may of 2009, I decided that my marriage had to end. I wasn't being abused, neglected, or cheated on, my husband was just not the one. He is the best dad and a nice guy but not for me. And that was the big issue, I felt alot of affection for him but no attraction, no strong pull to keep it going. We were together for a looong time(together for 6 married for 7 )and the older i got, i was 39 at the time,i just thought it would be good to be honest. I thought all that time i was pmsing, but it lasted allot longer. I became allured by someone else and honestly that person made me feel sexy, listened to, and made me laugh. something my husband did not. My ex and I were walking around like zombies just working having spots of fun here and there but not really connecting and feeling comfortable with each other. I felt like we didn't know each other and believe it or not we have nothing in common, I mean nothing, and never really did. I got married because i loved him, and despite our problems that getting married would fix it out. I was living a lie which sounds corny but I was. My head kept getting turned and I always felt like I was missing something. Always.

I'm happy. Don't get me wrong I have my crying days,I seriously thought I made the wrong move but I want to be happy and I want my daughter to be happy and have great examples and awesome role models, and my daughter was going to suffer, if I was not happy. I'm happy. I'm happy with my 2 yr old and myself. Not ready to look back but Im totally ready to move foward. There is a "one' out there for me. I know it.