The Year of Living Brokerly

I remember there was a Mel Gibson movie called The Year of Living Dangerously and that's kind of how I feel except with no money.

Ugh. My life feels like I am going backward going around in circles, going down the drain. Now I feel that I can do anything I set my mind to, I have the power to change my life but being uneployed is changing my life for the worst. Its been almost 2 years and in that 2 years there is NOTHING on the so called horizon, nothing. In any area of my life, and its sad and depressing and It makes me feel like I'm lost and going to just fade away. Even my fitness routine has gone the way of the dodo bird.

I actually had to sign up for Public Assistance and its not all that simple of a process. There s lots of going to nasty unkempt offices and talking with people that seem stressed and nonplussed. Waiting in rooms for god knows what and listening to people spout all sorts of job related wisdom. Now the city has caught on and DEMANDED that people go to a back to work program. Those programs are just waiting games, for jobs that honestly don't exist and programs that barely help. I must admit my rent was payed which I was starting to feel guilty about, but I want a class in feeling better. Getting out of my funk, and feeling happy and joyous about something. I seem to have lost my mojo so to speak and all the things I had passion about seem to have faded away. I wish I could get on my feet without help but this was a needed evil. I didn't have an income coming in and I also have a child to take care of so this was something I could have deep thoughts about. I just wonder when I'm going to get myself together because at this age I cant be playing.

Its also disheartening to see people at these places that have just given up and wont be productive members of society. They seem content to hang out and collect a check.Also the ignorant thought process, and the people that are so quick to anger, these young people are the future. Lots of people know the ins and outs of the "system" and have no qualms about using it and abusing it. I want to ride this pony only a quarter of the way.