I want to feel like a natural women

 In the past I was pretty stylish, or I thought I was. I dressed nicely, had a face full of makeup took care of my skin and hair, it was cut on a weekly basis.  I thought of myself as "sexy" and I got a lot of attention. I didn't mind the attention at all either. Now I hate to admit I rock sweats all the time and as I write this have a work shirt on, with stains on it!! I have a hard time with being feminine now. I am struggling with what it really is. Is it being attractive to men  or is it being pretty for yourself. I see women that are well put together and I want to be that woman but for me. I want to be more stylish and to have a closet full of stylish clothes. I have a lot of excuses that hold me back, money, no time but why I don't make time for these things baffles me. I like to be pretty but sometimes I have to ask myself why? When I was married I didn't think about this much because I felt like that wasn't a big deal for my ex. We were together and that was the barometer for being attractive. Now that I am on my own I want to be feminine after all men are drawn to that, and I want to be more trendy. Hopefully I will get there, I probably need a subscription to Vogue. I also need to find a womanly thing for me to do. I was watching t.v. and  a woman was saying that she wrote poetry and it was "feminine", maybe I need to do something like that.   I also need to soften myself up more, I was so used to being the "alpha" in my relationship that its sometimes hard to let that facade down. I think the most feminine thing I have done was to have a child, hey nothing more womanly than that. But my personal style, I have none and I wonder if I am doomed to a life with no style, or a feminine touch. Do I have to wear a skirt 24/7 to be feminine?  Lipstick?  a wig?  My hair has been short for years and it has been alluded that I was not feminine enough. So is this defining  of being feminine or a woman self imposed, or is it society. I will admit I am influenced by the popular media. I also will admit I have issues with my body and my looks. I could stand to lose a whole lotof weight, and I haven't accepted myself "as I am" and I never thought I was that good looking, so maybe that has a lot to do with my hiding behind this raggedy t-shirt.